Giraffe Porn

giraffe bent over looking through its legs

Giraffe Porn

You read that correctly, apparently it’s a thing. It must be, the live feed of a giraffe giving birth in a zoo in upstate New York was pulled off You Tube due to complaints from an animal rights group that it was “sexually explicit and contained nudity”. Seriously, I cannot possibly make this up.  Note:  it’s not the conception folks, it’s the birth.

I have no idea what a giraffe is supposed to be wearing while giving birth but clearly some misguided soul took offense to giraffe nudity. I’m going to say someone needs a new hobby, it’s one of those things you might say out loud to yourself first, think it through. I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals but I don’t think they even make those ridiculous gowns that tie in the back in giraffe sizes. I don’t know if there are stirrups involved, breathing exercises, epidurals…is the father giraffe on standby with a hoof full of cigars, no idea what the protocol is under the circumstances.

Hats off to animal activists who are saving species from extinction, protesting captive animals being used for our amusement at marine parks, railing against elephants and rhinos being poached for their tusks / horns – there are actual animal causes out there, but this? Is this going to turn into some bizarre 20/20 investigation trying to lure giraffe porn enthusiasts out of their lairs? There’s a fetish called furries where consenting adults dress up as animals for sexy time but it’s a big leap from that to giraffe porn. This doesn’t even register on the creepmeter for bestiality.  If you’ve got a thing for freakishly tall chicks in animal print, that’s on you.

So, April, you go ahead and have your calf and I hope it’s as pleasant a delivery as expelling a 6’ tall, 200 pound baby with hooves can be (ouch! go for the epidural, no one’s going to judge you). As long as it’s healthy, right? It’s #4 for you, you got this girl. Pay no attention to the camera tucked up in the corner (the live feed is back online).  There’s no audio feed so if you want to scream, call your partner nasty names and threaten him if he ever touches you again, no one will ever know.  (But, a talking giraffe, how cool would that be?)

giraffe mugginjg for the giraffe cam

April mugging for the giraffe cam

(Here I was thinking I had coined a clever new term “giraffe porn” and then I made the mistake of googling it, I should have know nothing good would come of it. It is a thing. There are videos, you tube channels. I can’t even…we are truly doomed as a species.  Maybe there’s an argument to be made for turning off the camera ’cause shit just got really weird)

∼ the nasty wench ∼

Update – this just in, April gave birth this morning (April 15, 2017) after a 16 month pregnancy and 7 weeks of the world watching her every move, Baby G (just throwing that out there, no idea what the calf’s name will be) arrived earlier today…way to go April!

April the giraffe with her new baby

ps…it’s a boy!

April with her new calf

9 thoughts on “Giraffe Porn

  1. Skaamoog

    i seriously don’t know where to start, the responses to this entire situation would require a full essay. Some people are just too hilarious, and kind of creepy…

    Reply
    1. thenastywench Post author

      caught the original headline on a news crawl at the bottom of a TV screen and had to do a double take…did I just read that correctly…why, yes I did, oh my fuckedy fuck

      Reply
  2. thenastywench Post author

    I’m not sure what’s more fkd up, that someone somewhere on the planet thinks April the giraffe should be clothed for the birth (or at all) or that giraffe porn is a thing. I’m not even pretending not to judge. I went from “my aren’t I clever with the whole giraffe porn reference” to “holy crap, what’s wrong with people?” in about a second and a half. Thanks google, scarred for life. Have to wipe my browser history.

    Reply

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