Hillbilly Handfishing

man kneeling beside catfish

(note:  originally posted on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)

Oh, for fk sake…seriously?!?

I kid you not. I have had a terrible couple of weeks, just got back from my electrolysis appointment (waging battle against morphing into a post-menopausal circus freak, fyi – laser doesn’t work on blonde hair, permanent facial hair removal requires jamming an electrical probe into each follicle individually and frying the crap out of it, repeatedly…because once is not enough, and paying for the privilege…but I digress).

I toss myself onto the couch and catch a glimpse of two things on the television – neither of which makes any sense and zero ability to reconcile the two. Some redneck male is wrestling with a huge catfish in a muddy bog of some sort, cut to a flamingly gay character (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in a cabin setting making over a couple of women …glamming them up in what can only be described as early 80’s chic make up, these are either friends or spouses of the men wrestling the catfish. Don’t get me started.

So I turn to my son and inquire…wtf?? Continue reading “Hillbilly Handfishing”

The G Spot Has Officially Been Found…Hiding in Poland

(originally posted on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)

The G Spot Has Officially Been Found …. Hiding in Poland

After decades of research and debate and mountains of medical journals, Dr. Adam Ostrzenski found the elusive G spot. Finally, a man finds it. No surprise that it’s front page international news and the quickest his research has ever been published.

That’s the good news. The bad news – the woman is 83 and recently deceased…fat lot of good it’s going to do her now. Isn’t that just the way? One can only speculate after a lifetime of rather ordinary, perhaps mundane sex … Continue reading “The G Spot Has Officially Been Found…Hiding in Poland”

Ripped From The Headlines

picture of confused sperm

(note: originally published on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home on www.thenastywench.com)

Have you ever read a headline and wondered wtf?? Came across a whopper:

“US Man fined $27K after ejaculating in co-worker’s water bottle”

Ummmm…seriously?? I shit you not. Gotta say, as headlines go, it got my attention. Some character in California has been fined (and I am assume fired) for ejaculating into a co-workers water bottle. Buddy needs a new hobby.

I find myself wondering how the detective work played out on that particular investigation. The board room meeting where police are asking for DNA swabs from all male employees. Hmmmmm … are you trying to solve a murder, espionage, some white collar crime?? Nope … just sorting out who’s jacking off in Sally’s water bottle.

Under what circumstances does it occur to someone to jack off in a co-worker’s water bottle? Is this some frustrated Romeo who’s tired of her turning down his sexual advances, no “office” hummer”… Continue reading “Ripped From The Headlines”

Scarred For Life – The Vagina Monologue

character prepared to dive

Scarred for Life – The Vagina Monologue

(this post originally published on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)

Some conversations are unpredictable, unavoidable and scarring. The portions of the exchange that I am about to share with you that appear in red are contributions from the voices in my head. I was only ever able to utter one phrase out loud but the voices in my head had a field day with this one.

To set the stage for this particular episode, you need to know who Crash is – Crash is a former coworker who, how shall I put this, had some personal boundary issues. Gets a little too close, unnecessary hugs, a little too enthusiastic about my perfume. Relatively harmless…I think… Continue reading “Scarred For Life – The Vagina Monologue”