Tales From The Asylum
(originally posted on www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)
I’ve discovered that the Kung Fu countermove to Cockwaffle is…drum roll please…Twat-Waffle, I really should have seen that coming…
∼ the nasty wench ∼
(originally posted on www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home on www.thenastywench.com
I love words, all kinds of words…but there is a special category of words that simply make me giggle. Often it’s the double entendre, smacking of smutty undertones or sometimes they just sound silly.
My perennial favorite – labelopes. Unless you deal with Purolator on a regular basis, you have no idea what I’m talking about. Labelopes sounds like a genital reference… Continue reading “Words That Make Me Giggle”
(note: previously posted on www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)
Yes, Virginia, there is a Roadkill Cook-Off, this is a thing. Just when you think you’ve heard it all, along comes a rather unique annual cooking competition. I heard a rumor, I looked it up, it’s quite the event – not just a cook off, it’s a festival.
The first rule – all entries must have, as their featured ingredient, any animal commonly found dead on the side of the road – groundhog, opossum, deer, rabbit, bear, crow, squirrel, snake, turkey, etc. No indication if you have to mow it down yourself or just scrape it off the side of the road and toss it in your trunk.
The second rule – Continue reading “The West Virginia Roadkill Cook-Off”
(note: previously published on www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home on www.thenastywench.com)
What would baby Jesus think? Apparently a white stone statue of Mary and the baby Jesus at a church in Sudbury, ON has been vandalized a few times over the years, decapitating the baby Jesus but leaving the head nearby – ‘cause really, what are you going to do with a baby Jesus head. A little hard to pawn. Pssst, wanna buy a baby Jesus head?
The last decapitation took place a year ago but the head was nowhere to be found. The cost of replacing the head was prohibitive to the church and so it remained “as is” for months. A local artist came across the statue and offered to repair it at no cost – Continue reading “What Would Baby Jesus Think?”
(originally posted on www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home @www.thenastywench.com)
Stopped in at a local job fair this afternoon with my son’s girlfriend when we wandered near a display from a school bus driving agency.
Their rep says “Have you ever considered driving school bus?” Continue reading “Ya, I don’t Think So…”
(originally posted on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home on www.thenastywench.com)
A 35 yr old man in rural Washington was airlifted to hospital after his 15 yr old daughter shot him in the head with a hunting bow and arrow because he took her cell phone away. The kicker – she refused to let him use the cell to call for help and he had to crawl to the neighbour’s house for assistance with the arrow still firmly implanted in his skull. Seriously.
Wonder if he’s regretting the decision to sign her up for those archery classes now? Proud papa cheering loudly while she is presented the award for marksmanship. Should have signed her up for band camp…na, Continue reading “Ripped From the Headlines – Part 2”
(originally published on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)
My options for meeting someone are fairly limited – I work for a really small company (no interesting candidates there) and I volunteer with an agency that is 98% women, unless I’m considering making a major lifestyle change…I don’t do the bar scene or casinos…this is beginning to sound a little pathetic.
So, I took the plunge into online dating, what’s the worst that can happen? I’m sure most of the online sites are the same so I won’t point any fingers… Continue reading “Plenty of WTF”
(originally posted on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home on www.thenastywench.com)
All due respect to Walmart Greeters around the world but if you ever walk into a Walmart and I’m there greeting you, take me out to the parking lot and back over me. Assume that I’m being held hostage and I’m being made to sing that freaking Walmart rah rah cheer song in the morning. I thought that was a rumor when I first heard about it but I got into a Walmart early one morning and they actually make their staff sing that asinine song. I cannot believe that it does not breach some human rights legislation.
Greeters don’t actually greet customers any more… Continue reading “Ode to a Walmart Greeter”
This penguin is my personal hero and I just had to throw this out there to take some of the sting out of the Hooligan Penguin Sex post.
~ the nasty wench ~
(originally published on www.thenastywench.blogspot.ca and www.thenastywench.wordpress.com…now in its new home at www.thenastywench.com)
I loooove penguins. What’s not to love? There is something uniquely charming about these wondrous, waddling creatures – whether it’s the reality of March of the Penguins or the animated world of Happy Feet. I used to have a poster up in my office of a disheveled penguin with the notation “Fuck it, I’m going home”. Even he had his charms (my boss did not share that opinion).
However, I’ve come across some penguin information that is nothing short of devastating. Research notes for a 1915 publication by Dr. George Levick have been discovered in the London Natural History Museum, including notations that describe my lovable penguins as depraved hooligans. Say it isn’t so, George!
He goes on to describe thousands of “hooligan” male penguins copulating with each other or dead females, gang-raping injured females and molesting young chicks. What the fk Happy Feet?? Traumatized by his observations, Continue reading “Hooligan Penguin Sex”