24 Hour Urine Collection…or how to fuck up your long weekend

large orange jug for urine collection

24 Hour Urine Collection

(Spoiler Alert: one of the least fun things you can do on your long weekend)

I would love to come over on the long weekend for a bbq…I, however, have to stay home and pee in a jug for 24 hours. No, I’m not fucking making this up. Who would make that up? I have to be home to go pee…pretty sure it’s inappropriate to ask if I can keep my urine jug in your fridge (and no, I wouldn’t ask, just pointing out it is both socially and personally weird as fuck). Note to self…remind the boarder not to drink the contents of the orange jug…that’s not juice!

And besides…there’s a whole shit load of things I cannot eat or drink…so I’d be drinking water and peeing in a jug – odd bbq guest behavior at best. I don’t think I want to be that person. I don’t usually give a rat’s ass what people think of me, but in this case, I’d be judging me. Ninety six fun filled hours of dietary constraints – can’t have anything with caffeine or fruit or fruit juices – so water, I’ll have water. I did have one borderline screw up…I was whining to a friend about all the things I could not drink and got all excited when I remembered I had a six pack of sparkling water in the back of the fridge, that will jazz up my water consumption – I can have bubbles with my water. While I was regaling her with my water revelation I glanced at the label on the bottle and said “mmmm…grapefruit sparkling water”…to which she responded “what did you just say?”…I just said….ffuuuu, nope, can’t have that either.

No chocolate (crap…just discovered chocolate covered ju jubes this week). And things that are in things…like riboflavin and niacin…if I’m not mistaken, those are added to a lot of things (cereals, etc). No quinine…no idea what to do with that (googled it, it’s a medication used to treat malaria and babesiosis and that just raises more questions – babesiosis is some sort of parasitic infection aka: Nuttallia, note, not Nutella cause how cool would that be to have a case of Nutella). I think I can safely avoid quinine for 96 hours…as long as I don’t get malaria in that time frame ’cause I think treating malaria might trump peeing in a jug. There’s a whole list of things I can’t pronounce that I’m not allowed to have…do I have to check the list of ingredients on everything I touch? Vitamin B…isn’t there vitamin B in things? I’d have to have a university degree in chemistry in order to figure out what I can and can’t eat – I need a list of ingredients for the actual ingredients…’cause they could be made of stuff I’m not allowed to have.

Can’t have a glass of wine…made from grapes. I already have my post 24 hour urine collection breakfast planned…coffee, wine and chocolate. And I did, went pee and then jammed a handful of chocolate covered ju jubes in my mouth, washed them down with a couple of mouthfuls of wine, poured coffee in my travel mug and off to work I went (side trip to drop off jug o’ pee). And it’s always a little weird handing off a urine specimen at the lab, we all pee, we all do it but walking around with a little jar o’pee in your hand always feels awkward (what…just me?).  Multiply that about 10 times over walking into the medical lab with a jug full of urine – yes, strangers in the waiting room, I’m delivering 24 hours’ worth of pee, get over it.

It’s gotta be said…it’s a large jug, not sure if they expected me to fill it or not but not happening. Especially given all I could basically drink was water…I drink a lot of water but it does lose its charm a little when it’s all you can have.

I almost hope it turns out something is wrong, otherwise this has all been a colossal pain in the ass for no apparent reason.

∼∼ the nasty wench ∼∼

(for anyone who had any questions…this was all tied to the recent kidney stone incident from the previous post…and I’m fine…not that anyone asked).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *